Afterthought

[ˈɑːftəˌθɔːt] 
n. a comment, reply, etc., that occurs to one after the opportunity to deliver it has passed.

Is this it?

Seems like it's almost over.

Then that's that.

What else could there be?

Something better? Something more meaningful?

Please! This is what THEY brought it to...

But I thought it was just getting better ... more interesting

It wasn't meant to be so ... probably just a miscalculation...

Please... jus...

It's done! This is the end.

I miss them already.


Don't worry ... they will somehow rise again. They will crawl, then walk, then run and then fall again. As it has always been ... so will it always.


 

Enough?

Walking on the mosaic floor I saw an ant. A tiny red ant, a lone ant that I was about to kill with my feet. I was wearing a heavy shoe that would've killed the ant instantly. I dodged and saved him, I stopped, squatted down near him and took a moment to look at him. He seemed not to care about the sudden turn of his luck. He seemed to care in the least that I was around and went about his routine quasi random path, looking for God knows what. He was meant to die, but another conscious being, out of sheer chance and curiosity, saved him. He was running away so I blocked his path with my hand, he collided, felt the obstruction and just turned away towards another direction. That was a bummer, I thought. He wasn't scared, he didn't care and walked away. How many ever time I tried he just turned away. He didnt even realize that he had been running around in a tiny little region. If anything he seemed to be more in a hurry. That's the least he could've expressed at the little meaningless game I was playing with him. But then I began to ponder and let my mind wander in a path just like the ant was following.

The ant doesn't have the capacity to comprehend, or to appreciate its surroundings. He cant realize that there exist beings like humans, thousands of times bigger than them and billions of times smarter than them. He doesn't grasp the fact that he is in the bottom of the food chain, while a being watching it, is right at the top. He just goes about doing what the infinitesimal neuron circuit in its head makes him do. We ever need to build a road and an ant hill is in the way, people dont even give a second thought and raze it to the ground, sans emotion, sans pity for the co-inhabitors of Earth.

On the other hand, we do have the faculties to comprehend the vastness of our universe. We are a being on a tiny planet going around a tiny star, along with a few other rocks. The sun is almost at the edge of a spiral galaxy, Milky way, filled with billions of stars. And this milky way is just another galaxy among billions others separated by unthinkable distances. When we look at the sky, we know we are looking at the past, because the light from the stars we see were sent by the star millions of years ago. How do we know this? Because we have to ability to know this. Compared to the vastness of the Universe, the ant and I are the same.

Imagine, we know about the Universe just by sitting in our lonely planet. So how much do we really know about it, when there's so much more left to know about our own planet? Our brain is probably a billion times more complex that the ant's, but is it enough brain to comprehend what the Universe has to offer in its fullest of might and glory? Or are we just ants to the Universe, without meaning or care, that can be ended with a cosmic cataclysm, and then nothing would matter? Do we have enough for us to be the supreme consciousness of the Universe?

Bible: A philosophical discussion

God made a world. It was his favourite world. It had a blue sky and bright sunlight. It was warm and comfortable at places, and cool and beautiful at others. He spent many days on it, roaming all around, taking in the sights and wonders of what he had created. It had almost made him feel at home. Compared to the entire universe he had created, he was most proud of this world. As he roamed on it, and as imaginative and creative he was, he created the breeze, the seas and oceans, and mountains and rivers.

he stayed there many more days, resting in his paradise. Lying down comfortably in a valley, he thought about what he had achieved. He basked in his glory, but soon therewas a feeling trickling in, that kept bothering him. Surely this creation of his was not complete. So he thought and it dawned on him that it was not enough for him alone to appreciate this whole of creation. he needed to create life.

He made the trees that got nourishment from the earth, sun and air. Then he made animals that lived on fruits from the trees, but then he got even more curious and imaginative and made many more kinds of creatures, some of which roamed the earth, some flew while some lived in the seas. He was proud of them all but still there was more curiosity and craving. He wanted his creations to comprehend the magnitude of his creation and appreciate it all and acknowledge it and be proud of him. He wanted them to believe that it was all because of Him that they were alive.

He made one. He made it in almost his own image. He called him Adam. He taught him many things. He taught him how to think, how to live, how to feel. He realised that for Adam to appreciate the world he would need free thought and will. So Adam felt many things, and when He was not around he would feel lonely. God realized this and felt he had made a mistake and doubted whether he was capable of truly comprehending the magnitude of his creation and to appreciate it. He felt, after Adam passed he would try some other kind of life form, much better than Adam. None the less Adam was his child and having much love for him made him a gift, Eve. Adam wasn't lonely anymore.

While God was away, Adam and Eve together enjoyed life and the fruits of God's creations. After many days, and out of curiosity Adam and Eve discovered each others' bodies and fell in love. On His return God was furious at them both for having consumed the forbidden fruit. He was least pleased at this was against His plans. Be as merciful as he was, he could not punish their act. He realized that Adam and Eve would very soon not need Him at all and that he would not get his due appreciation after all, so he retired. He abandoned them, to wait for this species to eradicate itself, as flawed as they were, he wouldn't have to wait long. Then he would resume on Paradise. He would know the flaws by now and would make them perfect.

But there is an alternative. The children of Adam and Eve could prove to be that worthy creation by really striving to comprehend and grasp the whole of God's creation. that would be the time when they could really appreciate it in all its glory, instead of just praying and begging for forgiveness and falsely singing songs and hymns in the praise of the Lord and His creations.

Taboo

I read this quote somewhere, I dare not mention where,
      Due to the fear of ridicule, or of the quote losing its significance.
Said, "The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you cant achieve it."

As to this quote, I came to note, from my imagination, an exemplification, of what it might apply to,
A little story, psychopathically gory, not for children, or feeble of heart, I tell you it's an art, what one can do.

And as I thought, my imagination flew, I had no clue, as to what could befall this fate of mine,
My mind entrap't, enslaved, punished, lobotomized of free will,  sent through hell's intestines.

My existence sent to inbetween worlds, it stayed there, neither here nor there,
It must have been hell, through what I've been, I lived in a deathly scare.

 But with much agony, and much apathy, I freed my soul
And also a helping hand from a supernatural source.

You see, what I thought of, was of people, who wanted to die,
But they keep telling themselves to wait, for some reason,
For a reason, could be someone, or a sometime, or even just a lie.

I thought of what goes on through their mind? When they want to die?
I thought of what they think of when they wake up every morning?
I thought of how they could nourish their bodies, and sustain it?
I thought of the shame, the Biblical leprosy, and the loneliness, the searing pain.
I thought of how the world would lose all it's colour, all happiness would fade.
I thought of how I would look in the mirror.
I wondered what could've happened, and I came up with ways it could've happened.
I wondered what they felt, how they felt, all the time.
I wondered how they would have been with others, how could he show his face to them?
I realized they would act. Yes, they wouldn't want to be discovered. They would hide,
Behind a facade, of happiness and warmth and compassion and, life!
But hidden behind the contorted, uncomfortable smile, would be a scowl.
And behind the scowl, a hatred, a putrid poisoned feeling of being betrayed,
By love, by life, by fate, by the world, by luck, by the one above,
And through this fate, rises a new belief, of a creator.
They live in cowardice, and shame, and a mute existence.
I could feel my hatred rising, for a fading soul, for a lost cause, a half sunken ship.
So strong I felt this hatred, I felt their pain, their hopelessness,
And without realizing, I sunk a little in.

And as a philosopher, as I think of myself, I thought.
I thought of what shouldn't be thought of, too much.
But I knew not it, then, that I shouldn't venture so far,
As there is very little distinguishing boundary, between little, and little too much.

I thought what it is like to die?
I thought what if I was dead?
I thought about what happens after, does it end? Or is there more?
And as convinced as I was that it most definitely was the end,
So grew my doubt...
Like a spark licks a little dry twig and up in flames goes the forest,
Went my belief.

I was toying with the point of no return, like a curious little child.
And it seduced back.

It should've felt like touching a red hot metal, but it was enchanting.
Lustfully I pondered more, and sank in deeper into the chasms.

And as I pondered, I understood, and I felt brave, like a courageous warrior.
But it was more like fear had slipped away, slithered away like a snake,
Plotting and conspiring and planning for a feast with the devil, but I was far too lost.
My mortal fear of heights gone, I relaxed more on the edge of the roof,
Looking down, wondering, how would it feel to touch the bottom in the next moment?
I would wonder why the heavy speeding vehicles looked so sad? Maybe I should give them a kiss.
I would wonder how soft our skin is, and it can be invaded in so many ways.
I was sinking in curiosity, deeper and darker.

I was promised a beautiful land, full of love and hope and freedom.
In the true sense I had never felt before.
I was promised my mind and my consciousness, free of physical restraints.
I was promised an era, an eon, many eons, of plenty and enough.
They became better and better, and more difficult to ignore, more difficult to wait.
The darkness was all encompassing.
As the promises were on the edge of victory, shone a feeble light in the distance.
An accusation of selfishness!
Its voice grew louder, steadily, firmly.
A slight shame peeped, but arrogance reigned.
It won't matter later, I argued.

But my thoughts came from an abyss to a standstill, a miraculous moment,
The faces of all who loved me...loves me, what they mean, how much they mean.
Then their faces after I was gone, grief stricken, with doubt and disbelief,
And all those promises faded, and a deep shame overcame like a fog.
Remorse, repentance, rebuke ...

Then I saw hope, very literally,
I saw the promise of a life yet unlived,
I saw the promise of a love yet unloved,
Full of possibility, and choices and mysteries,Curiosities to ponder, discoveries to make,
Knowledge to acquire, feelings to feel,
Expectations to fulfill.
I saw the promise of a journey yet unwalked.


Dealt with the devil's advocate, who came to my head, and stayed there,
For days and days he stayed, and soothed me,caressed me, wooed me.
And just as I was lost, came a light, so bright, like a miracle it was.
Such thoughts couldn't come from my head, I know,
It must have been given by someone,
An angel, perhaps...

Thought 1

When I was born, my mother tells me, I did not cry. For a moment people had thought that I was still born. So they sprayed some air near my nose and I got distracted. Well, for that moment I cried, taking in my first breath of stale air, putrid air, filled with the stench of the placenta my mother had just spewed from her innards and the hospital smell. I need to clarify why I did not breathe in that first moment. I had spent eight months and seventeen days inside my mother. I hadn't anything to do, so I used to think a lot. And when I got bored of thinking, I tried to entertain myself by trying to figure out what was going on outside by the muffled sounds I was hearing. With no worldly experience gathered, it was very hard to decipher the sounds, but the interpretations I came up with were hilarious. Like one day I heard a series of sounds, periodic in nature, four or five times in repetition, pause, and then again, then a woosh, and then an "Owwww!" Before the last sound I was getting a little hungry. But then I felt hurt and sad.

So, anyways. The moment I came out, and I was not breathing. I was thinking about that day, that particular series of sounds I had heard. I was waiting to be born so that I could explain to myself what had happened. Why those sounds had me feel so sad, so hurt. I had not felt so strongly about emotions up till then. In the womb, it gets rather lonely and quiet, with nothing to do. So when I was coming out, I was concentrating on those sounds, my mission, to find out what those sounds meant. To decipher the mystery of the saddening sounds. It was all I could think of. One can liken it to the moment of time when one has to step into the stage infront of a thousand people, and just before that moment one goes through his lines so as not to forget in the final moment. I was determined to do my job well. I believed that that was my purpose of life. And I was born going over my "lines" so as not to forget.

Some years later, when I was growing up, I was sitting with my mother while she was cooking. This was the time when I had completely forgotten about my life's sole mission. All those years, I was about one and a half years old, I had enjoyed life, with no care, only fun. I was oblivious to the world outside the walls of my house and garden. So here I was sitting with my mother while she was cooking, with me irritating her and giving her hell. In those moments, my mind drifted into a far forgotten time, when I heard the sounds, "Tssssh Tsssssh Tsssssh... ... ... Tsssssh Tssssh Tssssh", unmuffled, clear and resounding and resonating inside my head, reminding me of abstract things which I could not relate to. My mother was frying some fish, and as she tossed some more pieces of raw fish into the hot boiling oil, a spray of boiling oil fell on her skin and mine. I remember my mother cursing over my searing pain. While I was wailing silently, my mother was busy covering the pot with a lid. Then i realized that my life's mission was over. I still feel sad when my mother fries fish.

Introduction

A new blog. A new theme. A new concept. A new trend. I don’t know for how long this one’s gonna last. Let’s start it never the less. I would like to start sharing some of the million ideas that run through my infinite mind and get lost in the folds of grey matter and neuronal complexity. Sometimes I’m going to share my philosophies, sometimes my passions for certain things and other times some snippets of idea that promise to grow into a big phenomenon. The brain or mind, whatever you like to call it, is infinite in it’s capacity to brood, but only in three dimensions. I have used a trick to give my brain a few more dimensions to think in. So, most often than not, you, the reader, might feel lost, or get slightly disinterested while reading this. Let me tell you, this blog is mostly for my benefit, and I am not writing this so that it’s easy for you to understand, I write it the way I can express it best.

Also, reading this blog, you, as a reader, might find my attitude or personality very different from who I am, provided you know me personally. Everything is not about you, you know. It’s about me too.You will soon see that, accepting this blog as a humour article will be the easiest way for you to accept it. I don’t really care.

So, now that I got that out of the way… let’s tango with my thoughts.